On the last day I ever saw Jenn - she sat down here at this PC I'm at and made a mix to take on her trip out to Oklahoma. I'm not sure it was so much for her as it was for me and a select few others.
Now its for you too. Just go to iTunes and then iMix's and search on "Kitcher" and her tunes will come up.
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Sunday, February 13, 2005
The New York Times > Opinion > Op-Ed Columnist: No Mullah Left Behind
The New York Times > Opinion > Op-Ed Columnist: No Mullah Left Behind
When I read OP-ED pieces like this one from Tom Friedman, I get really fired up. Go read it. If not, here is the executive summary...By not supporting an energy independence initiative, improving energy conservation, taxing gasoline or demanding increased mileage from Detroit the Bush administration is financing both sides of the war on terror. As the price of oil goes up, the need for economic and governmental reform diminishes and the U.S. energy policy basically becomes "No Mullah Left Behind".
I absolutely advocate energy independence from the mid-east. Energy independence should be this generations moon race. Right after 9/11 Bush could have announced an initiative like what I'm talking about. Instead, we got told to shop. No surprise since Dubya is best friends with the Saudis.
I also agree with Friedman that our nation's campuses are curiously quiet in regards to this issue and, to my mind, the war as well. Where are the idealistic kids?
Despite the lack of support from the administration, some U.S. auto manufacturers have seen the writing on the wall as to the future of oil and are hedging their bets by developing hybrid gas/electric vehicles and hydrogen powered vehicles. Take GM's program for instance which is designed to possibly accelerate what my old friends at Texaco's Strategic Management Group called the Hydrogen future. Since the petroleum present seems to have only another twenty to fifty years left, we would do well as a nation to prepare now for that inevitable change and start building the infrastructure we'll need to support it. The whole world would benefit economically and environmentally.
You think its going to happen when the Bush line of kings is in Washington?
When I read OP-ED pieces like this one from Tom Friedman, I get really fired up. Go read it. If not, here is the executive summary...By not supporting an energy independence initiative, improving energy conservation, taxing gasoline or demanding increased mileage from Detroit the Bush administration is financing both sides of the war on terror. As the price of oil goes up, the need for economic and governmental reform diminishes and the U.S. energy policy basically becomes "No Mullah Left Behind".
I absolutely advocate energy independence from the mid-east. Energy independence should be this generations moon race. Right after 9/11 Bush could have announced an initiative like what I'm talking about. Instead, we got told to shop. No surprise since Dubya is best friends with the Saudis.
I also agree with Friedman that our nation's campuses are curiously quiet in regards to this issue and, to my mind, the war as well. Where are the idealistic kids?
Despite the lack of support from the administration, some U.S. auto manufacturers have seen the writing on the wall as to the future of oil and are hedging their bets by developing hybrid gas/electric vehicles and hydrogen powered vehicles. Take GM's program for instance which is designed to possibly accelerate what my old friends at Texaco's Strategic Management Group called the Hydrogen future. Since the petroleum present seems to have only another twenty to fifty years left, we would do well as a nation to prepare now for that inevitable change and start building the infrastructure we'll need to support it. The whole world would benefit economically and environmentally.
You think its going to happen when the Bush line of kings is in Washington?
Saturday, February 12, 2005
This here is "Faust", aka "Little Guy". He's a rather large kitty at 25lbs, but this bruiser is a lover not a fighter. Clarisa found him under her car tire when he was about 5 weeks old or so. She took him home, gave him a bath and a bottle and I was like, "Can we keep him?!" So we did and now he is so very much Clarisa's cat its sad. Plus he was raised by a Rottweiler so he pretty much thinks he's a dog.
Posted by Hello
Introducing Juilet the Cat, aka Jules Vern. She is a "next to" kitty. That is, she prefers sitting next to you or by you rather than on you. The crinkling of plastic bags frightens the hell out of her, so when its time to put away groceries, its time to traumatize a cat. We've had her since we live with my parents so she's at least 9 or so but she is stil pretty spry.
Posted by Hello
Friday, February 11, 2005
Truly Vanishing James
217.5 lbs 2/4/2005.
212.6 2/11/2005
I figure 10 more weeks to 180-185.
I'm not hungry. I'm eating a lot and I'm definitely getting stronger. Even better, I'm not jacking my cholesterol to the 340 mark it was back when I had been doing Atkins. The AbsDiet is not so much a diet as it is a lifestyle change, and even so, its a pretty easy one at that. If you've been struggling with your weight, yo-yo ing up and down -- check it out.
212.6 2/11/2005
I figure 10 more weeks to 180-185.
I'm not hungry. I'm eating a lot and I'm definitely getting stronger. Even better, I'm not jacking my cholesterol to the 340 mark it was back when I had been doing Atkins. The AbsDiet is not so much a diet as it is a lifestyle change, and even so, its a pretty easy one at that. If you've been struggling with your weight, yo-yo ing up and down -- check it out.
O ato do amor ajustou acidentalmente meu gato beloved no fogo.
AbsDiet story...
One of the recommended snacks on the absdiet is roasted almonds sprinkled with cayenne pepper and I have to say its become a fast favorite of mine. Last weekend I was snacking away all day on aforementioned tasty treat before we started going at it like crazed teenagers. Things were getting really hot and all of a sudden they really got hot. Clarisa recoiled away with an expression on her face that expressed both pain and puzzlement.
"The fucking cayenne pepper!" she said and high tailed it to the bathroom.
I'd never washed my hands...
Milk wound up places I never thought milk would wind up.
She could have been really pissed, but basically she just chalked this up to the fates evening out the scales of sexual justice for the "Pepsi Incident" that was perpetrated years ago.
One of the recommended snacks on the absdiet is roasted almonds sprinkled with cayenne pepper and I have to say its become a fast favorite of mine. Last weekend I was snacking away all day on aforementioned tasty treat before we started going at it like crazed teenagers. Things were getting really hot and all of a sudden they really got hot. Clarisa recoiled away with an expression on her face that expressed both pain and puzzlement.
"The fucking cayenne pepper!" she said and high tailed it to the bathroom.
I'd never washed my hands...
Milk wound up places I never thought milk would wind up.
She could have been really pissed, but basically she just chalked this up to the fates evening out the scales of sexual justice for the "Pepsi Incident" that was perpetrated years ago.
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
Ponderings
Hello there Internet.
A while back I posted about my aborted attempt to go to the French Culinary Institute (FCI). I'll recap here for those of you who prefer the executive summary...I'd finally decided to become a chef, or at least try. The plan was to borrow the 20K for tuition and finish the part time evening program in 9 months. However, while driving to the FCI to finalize my paperwork I received an untimely call by my boss asking me to come back from wherever I was and fix a Westcon e-Commerce problem combined with a building panic attack on my part caused me to veer off of the FDR and onto the Triborough Bridge. A few hours later after criss-crossing NYC I returned home, much to Clarisa's surprise.
She really wanted me to get back in the car and get back down there and do it, but I wouldn't budge. She really wanted me to do it but the huge worry about the loan and the crappy starting salary and the odd hours all were screaming at me -- THIS WOULD BE A MISTAKE!! How awesome though, that I get that kind of support.
But now I'm thinking about it again. And I'm thinking about it again because I'm unhappy here at Healthology (did not take long at all!!) and when I'm unhappy, I start thinking about cooking school. From a self analytical point of view, a career change in that direction has become my elysian fields. Just do that, and happiness will ensue for the rest of my days. The objective part of me knows this my habit of loving the idea of something more than loving the thing itself. I do love to cook though. And I am good at it and it makes me happy to do it. Its funny how it just snowballs into a desire to turn my life upside down and don the whites and checks. All I need to do is get a pan in my hand and I'm like Sulu with a Rapier all of a sudden. It just changes me when I do it - - I get in a zone and get that same feeling of satisfaction you get from hitting a great golf shot. Maybe my head is making cloudy what my heart makes very clear...
The culinary world aside, the reality is the situation here is not fantastic and I'll need to make some changes soon. Its a workable problem, so I'm trying not to worry about it, and even if it wasn't workable, there is no reason to worry about something that you can do nothing about either, right?
Some possible low cost career transitions I'm thinking about -
Go back to Coldfusion programming and build some apps.
Start doing some creative writing and try to get published.
Going to School of the Visual Arts (SVA) or NYU and take some courses, maybe in film, maybe in advertising and try to move to a company oriented one of those ways and use my previous skillset to leverage my new one.
I know, I know... my main problem is a lack of focus. I am more scattered than the tribes of Israel when it comes to making a decision. Hell, one day I'll be sure I want to be a chef and the next day Madison Avenue might look good. Maybe even in the same HOUR, never mind the same day. Its infuriating to me. My friend, Dennis, of http://www.d2stuff.com/ fame and I joke about it a lot. We take turns making up whacked job listings like "Seeking Coldfusion programmer with liberal arts background, strong grounding in American Philosophy, aesthetics, botany. Must be experienced with Photoshop, Final Cut Pro. Ability to make a killer hollandaise nice to have."
This new job frustration change thing is kind of ironic. I've been reading Anne, Straight From the Hip for a while now and if you know her at all, she was struggling away for a long time with depression and a crappy job at a Barnes & Noble. Finally she got out of there and got a position working for HBO's "The Wire". No sooner was she there then she brought up how there were things that she did not really like it there, or did like it, but felt bad about a bunch of things... I went from a "Good for you! Way to kick ass!" attitude to thinking, admittedly, "No fucking way!! Unhappy already? You gotta be shitting me...suck it up! You were just at Barnes & Noble for chrissakes..."
Now here I am - two months into this gig and climbing the walls wanting a change. Now being that I've served time at soul sucking jobs like Enterprise Rent A Car and CVS/Pharmacies and moved on to better things -- I should be kissing the very ground I walk on in thanks. Everyday should be happiness and light compared to that. And in a way, it is - but as crazy as those jobs made me, not being challenged is also a big turnoff. It just goes to show everything is relative and that once you get something its never as satisfying as having wanted it. Maye Dostoevsky is right and that man loves to build roads and is constantly in a cycle of creation and destruction. I just happen to have a really rapid turnover!.
A while back I posted about my aborted attempt to go to the French Culinary Institute (FCI). I'll recap here for those of you who prefer the executive summary...I'd finally decided to become a chef, or at least try. The plan was to borrow the 20K for tuition and finish the part time evening program in 9 months. However, while driving to the FCI to finalize my paperwork I received an untimely call by my boss asking me to come back from wherever I was and fix a Westcon e-Commerce problem combined with a building panic attack on my part caused me to veer off of the FDR and onto the Triborough Bridge. A few hours later after criss-crossing NYC I returned home, much to Clarisa's surprise.
She really wanted me to get back in the car and get back down there and do it, but I wouldn't budge. She really wanted me to do it but the huge worry about the loan and the crappy starting salary and the odd hours all were screaming at me -- THIS WOULD BE A MISTAKE!! How awesome though, that I get that kind of support.
But now I'm thinking about it again. And I'm thinking about it again because I'm unhappy here at Healthology (did not take long at all!!) and when I'm unhappy, I start thinking about cooking school. From a self analytical point of view, a career change in that direction has become my elysian fields. Just do that, and happiness will ensue for the rest of my days. The objective part of me knows this my habit of loving the idea of something more than loving the thing itself. I do love to cook though. And I am good at it and it makes me happy to do it. Its funny how it just snowballs into a desire to turn my life upside down and don the whites and checks. All I need to do is get a pan in my hand and I'm like Sulu with a Rapier all of a sudden. It just changes me when I do it - - I get in a zone and get that same feeling of satisfaction you get from hitting a great golf shot. Maybe my head is making cloudy what my heart makes very clear...
The culinary world aside, the reality is the situation here is not fantastic and I'll need to make some changes soon. Its a workable problem, so I'm trying not to worry about it, and even if it wasn't workable, there is no reason to worry about something that you can do nothing about either, right?
Some possible low cost career transitions I'm thinking about -
Go back to Coldfusion programming and build some apps.
Start doing some creative writing and try to get published.
Going to School of the Visual Arts (SVA) or NYU and take some courses, maybe in film, maybe in advertising and try to move to a company oriented one of those ways and use my previous skillset to leverage my new one.
I know, I know... my main problem is a lack of focus. I am more scattered than the tribes of Israel when it comes to making a decision. Hell, one day I'll be sure I want to be a chef and the next day Madison Avenue might look good. Maybe even in the same HOUR, never mind the same day. Its infuriating to me. My friend, Dennis, of http://www.d2stuff.com/ fame and I joke about it a lot. We take turns making up whacked job listings like "Seeking Coldfusion programmer with liberal arts background, strong grounding in American Philosophy, aesthetics, botany. Must be experienced with Photoshop, Final Cut Pro. Ability to make a killer hollandaise nice to have."
This new job frustration change thing is kind of ironic. I've been reading Anne, Straight From the Hip for a while now and if you know her at all, she was struggling away for a long time with depression and a crappy job at a Barnes & Noble. Finally she got out of there and got a position working for HBO's "The Wire". No sooner was she there then she brought up how there were things that she did not really like it there, or did like it, but felt bad about a bunch of things... I went from a "Good for you! Way to kick ass!" attitude to thinking, admittedly, "No fucking way!! Unhappy already? You gotta be shitting me...suck it up! You were just at Barnes & Noble for chrissakes..."
Now here I am - two months into this gig and climbing the walls wanting a change. Now being that I've served time at soul sucking jobs like Enterprise Rent A Car and CVS/Pharmacies and moved on to better things -- I should be kissing the very ground I walk on in thanks. Everyday should be happiness and light compared to that. And in a way, it is - but as crazy as those jobs made me, not being challenged is also a big turnoff. It just goes to show everything is relative and that once you get something its never as satisfying as having wanted it. Maye Dostoevsky is right and that man loves to build roads and is constantly in a cycle of creation and destruction. I just happen to have a really rapid turnover!.
Saturday, February 05, 2005
SpikeTV.com | The Ultimate Fighter
SpikeTV.com | The Ultimate Fighter
Mixed martial arts is going mainstream with this reality show. Its a long way from the first UFC in popularity and acceptance. Its cool to see that type of programming coming on. Anyhoo, I had heard of it but not watched it until last night when I accidentally stumbled upon it on Spike (even more coincidentally I got that comment on it in one of the preceding posts). I caught the end of some light heavyweight elimination fight wherein some bald guy got caught with a left right style combo that rang his bell and put him down. I think I saw a tooth fly out, but I'm not sure. It could have been anything. The program looks interesting and its on tonight so I just might catch it. Of course I'll be sizing up the guys and wondering where people in my school stack up against them. I think Renee could do really well in the middle weight, light middle weight category. The guy is really good. Totally mild mannered guy - but when he is on the mat he is something else. The funny thing about Renee, is when you roll against him sometimes -he actually starts to laugh the laugh of someone who is watching someone else realize the futility of their position.
Speaking of which, I plan on making my return to the BJJ academy this week and use the workouts there to compensate for one or two of the weight workouts specified in the ABSDiet. Of course I am a bit apprehensive about getting reinjured but you rolls your dice and takes your chances. At least with the running and workouts I have been doing for the past week I won't be sucking wind too soon into the class. Its funny how fast your body adapts - it can turn to shit and mush in a heartbeat and with just a little effort large improvements can be made. Of course, the beginning of anything is always that way. The challenges are, 1. Getting started 2. Keeping consistent 3. Busting through plateaus. The foot is feeling pretty good and I miss it so I am going back. Plus, I feel better working out knowing its for a purpose - like being able to triangle someone or kimura someone or mata leo someone or just hold my own against someone better / bigger than me. I'm not one to be a gym pretty boy. I am not John Baystow, fitness celebrity type. Speaking of which - I've found out that the cut builds and big muscles don't mean squat unless you know how to use them. I've taken on guys that you would say are in way better shape than me or stronger based on looks and held my own, beat them and yeah, sometimes got tapped out. But the point is that gym muscles are entirely different than BJJ ones. Like most things, if you can fuse it together you are really onto something. Martial arts fusion, fusion cuisine, cold fusion. Its all good.
So, I figure once this week and the next, and then back to a twice a week schedule.
The ABSDiet is going well. I'm kind of winging it now since I have not gone shopping yet - but I've adapted the principles of eating 6 meals a day and making sure that at each meal I eat one or two things that are in the ABSPOWERDIET group. And I am holding off the posting of the "fat James" picture for a bit. At the three week mark I will post it and another photo showing, hopefully, my progress. Then I'll post the 6 week photo. I'm just to self conscious at this point to post something like that without a counter balance. So for now, the Buddha belly stays tucked away.
Mixed martial arts is going mainstream with this reality show. Its a long way from the first UFC in popularity and acceptance. Its cool to see that type of programming coming on. Anyhoo, I had heard of it but not watched it until last night when I accidentally stumbled upon it on Spike (even more coincidentally I got that comment on it in one of the preceding posts). I caught the end of some light heavyweight elimination fight wherein some bald guy got caught with a left right style combo that rang his bell and put him down. I think I saw a tooth fly out, but I'm not sure. It could have been anything. The program looks interesting and its on tonight so I just might catch it. Of course I'll be sizing up the guys and wondering where people in my school stack up against them. I think Renee could do really well in the middle weight, light middle weight category. The guy is really good. Totally mild mannered guy - but when he is on the mat he is something else. The funny thing about Renee, is when you roll against him sometimes -he actually starts to laugh the laugh of someone who is watching someone else realize the futility of their position.
Speaking of which, I plan on making my return to the BJJ academy this week and use the workouts there to compensate for one or two of the weight workouts specified in the ABSDiet. Of course I am a bit apprehensive about getting reinjured but you rolls your dice and takes your chances. At least with the running and workouts I have been doing for the past week I won't be sucking wind too soon into the class. Its funny how fast your body adapts - it can turn to shit and mush in a heartbeat and with just a little effort large improvements can be made. Of course, the beginning of anything is always that way. The challenges are, 1. Getting started 2. Keeping consistent 3. Busting through plateaus. The foot is feeling pretty good and I miss it so I am going back. Plus, I feel better working out knowing its for a purpose - like being able to triangle someone or kimura someone or mata leo someone or just hold my own against someone better / bigger than me. I'm not one to be a gym pretty boy. I am not John Baystow, fitness celebrity type. Speaking of which - I've found out that the cut builds and big muscles don't mean squat unless you know how to use them. I've taken on guys that you would say are in way better shape than me or stronger based on looks and held my own, beat them and yeah, sometimes got tapped out. But the point is that gym muscles are entirely different than BJJ ones. Like most things, if you can fuse it together you are really onto something. Martial arts fusion, fusion cuisine, cold fusion. Its all good.
So, I figure once this week and the next, and then back to a twice a week schedule.
The ABSDiet is going well. I'm kind of winging it now since I have not gone shopping yet - but I've adapted the principles of eating 6 meals a day and making sure that at each meal I eat one or two things that are in the ABSPOWERDIET group. And I am holding off the posting of the "fat James" picture for a bit. At the three week mark I will post it and another photo showing, hopefully, my progress. Then I'll post the 6 week photo. I'm just to self conscious at this point to post something like that without a counter balance. So for now, the Buddha belly stays tucked away.
Yahoo! Sports - NHL - A MINOR MIRACLE: Wings transplants elevate Mechanics, delight fans
Yahoo! Sports - NHL - A MINOR MIRACLE: Wings transplants elevate Mechanics, delight fans
Thanks to alert reader and friend, Sfumato, for sending me this link. Being a rabid Red Wings fan, its nice to see some of the boys getting some ice time in and giving the folks in Detroit a lift. Like Chelios says in the article - too bad if some minor league guy isn't getting some ice time. Its not like anyone lost their jobs over this -- they are evidently rotating the vets through the team and benching guys in turn. And if some guy is whining about losing his ice time, maybe he should shut the hell up and watch the 20+ year veteran Chelios school people half his age and learn something.
Of course I do feel a bit sorry for the poor SOB going into the corner after the puck and having Derian Hatcher there to pounce on you and give you the stinky glove facial and otherwise just make you pay for going into the corner after his puck. Again, though - I think you can learn something from that, like facing adversity or some shit, so its good for the minor league player in this case as well.
One other hockey comment in regards to this lockout business...about Donald Brashear of all people. I am not the guys biggest fan, but I can see his point when he bitches that the league did not do enough to protect him from young bucks trying to make a name for themselves by fighting him. Its like guys taking on Billy The Kid. You want to make a name for yourself, its just a very dangerous way to go about it. Same deal with Brashear. From what I hear, he was reluctant to drop the gloves, but basically had a bunch of guys lined up waiting to scrap with him every game. If he knocks the crap out of somebody - what the heck can you do. You (you being the Quebec semi=pro league he was playing in) basically took Brashear on as a major draw, let guys go after him and then turn around and suspend him for the season for engaging in the very activity you promoted. Now, I did not see the fight that triggered the suspension, so I'm not sure if Brashear pulled any cheap shit, if any. Even so, IMO, the league bears some responsibility.
Anyone out there have a video file of the fight? Bit Torrent maybe?
Thanks to alert reader and friend, Sfumato, for sending me this link. Being a rabid Red Wings fan, its nice to see some of the boys getting some ice time in and giving the folks in Detroit a lift. Like Chelios says in the article - too bad if some minor league guy isn't getting some ice time. Its not like anyone lost their jobs over this -- they are evidently rotating the vets through the team and benching guys in turn. And if some guy is whining about losing his ice time, maybe he should shut the hell up and watch the 20+ year veteran Chelios school people half his age and learn something.
Of course I do feel a bit sorry for the poor SOB going into the corner after the puck and having Derian Hatcher there to pounce on you and give you the stinky glove facial and otherwise just make you pay for going into the corner after his puck. Again, though - I think you can learn something from that, like facing adversity or some shit, so its good for the minor league player in this case as well.
One other hockey comment in regards to this lockout business...about Donald Brashear of all people. I am not the guys biggest fan, but I can see his point when he bitches that the league did not do enough to protect him from young bucks trying to make a name for themselves by fighting him. Its like guys taking on Billy The Kid. You want to make a name for yourself, its just a very dangerous way to go about it. Same deal with Brashear. From what I hear, he was reluctant to drop the gloves, but basically had a bunch of guys lined up waiting to scrap with him every game. If he knocks the crap out of somebody - what the heck can you do. You (you being the Quebec semi=pro league he was playing in) basically took Brashear on as a major draw, let guys go after him and then turn around and suspend him for the season for engaging in the very activity you promoted. Now, I did not see the fight that triggered the suspension, so I'm not sure if Brashear pulled any cheap shit, if any. Even so, IMO, the league bears some responsibility.
Anyone out there have a video file of the fight? Bit Torrent maybe?
Thursday, February 03, 2005
Realization
We have not seen one of the Best Film Academy Award nominees. Not one. Not for lack of trying, but my better half does not exactly dig, as she calles them, "Life Issues" movies. However, to her great credit, she always Netflix the movies I wanted to see in the theater but missed because they were in the preceding category. For example, we just got to see Garden State. It was a good movie. Mr. Branff did a bang up job. A special bonus was the discovery that I had previously listened to most of the music on the soundtrack way before the movie came out. It made me feel very hip. Oh yeah.
I want to see Million Dollar Baby. I don't know the ending, but I figure someone dies, its just that type of movie. I fear the longer Iwait to see it, the better the chances of someone spoiling it for me and thereby triggering all sorts of complex chemical reactions of frustration on my part. Ah the tension...
I want to see Million Dollar Baby. I don't know the ending, but I figure someone dies, its just that type of movie. I fear the longer Iwait to see it, the better the chances of someone spoiling it for me and thereby triggering all sorts of complex chemical reactions of frustration on my part. Ah the tension...
Back away from the Vienna Fingers...
During the Jets horrendous loss to the Steelers, my friend Joe, of the not so often posted to Sfumato blog, turned to me and said,
"Fat Riz is making a return."
To which I replied,
"That's ok, Fat Kitch is making a big comeback too."
I've packed on 12-13 lbs since I had to stop Brazilian Jiu Jitsu because of my foot injury. At 205 I'm not exactly svelte, but man o man its waaay better than the 217 the scale read on Tuesday night. The even weirder thing is I woke up Weds morning and weighed myself and I was 214. Where the hell did those three pounds go? I peed 3 lbs? Its a mystery.
That said, I've started going to Crunch Fitness on 38th street and I've started the AbsDiet and workout plan as laid out on the Men's Fitness Website. I even entered the AbsDiet contest and will be taking a picture of my fat ass for a "before" shot tomorrow and in 6 weeks will submit an after shot - the hope being that I will drop 10-20 lbs and maybe win a car. Actually I don't give a crap about the contest, its really more about giving myself some desperately needed structure. Hopefully, within that structure I will be able to drop some weight, lower my cholesterol and generally look and feel better. If I can transform my life somewhat - that's the biggest prize. Also, being able to replace the fat "before" photo thats about to go up with a better one -- that's pretty good motivation too.
So far, I've done two workouts at Crunch. The first day was dips, pullups and abwork and the second day was running with some abwork. I ran 4 miles and did some abwork and my legs are sore today and my arms are still sore from the workout on Weds. Man, you can really go to hell in one month if you let yourself. Tomorrow I start the AbDiets deal.
Six weeks, two photos and a goal of 192.6 to 197.6 lbs. Lets see what happens.
"Fat Riz is making a return."
To which I replied,
"That's ok, Fat Kitch is making a big comeback too."
I've packed on 12-13 lbs since I had to stop Brazilian Jiu Jitsu because of my foot injury. At 205 I'm not exactly svelte, but man o man its waaay better than the 217 the scale read on Tuesday night. The even weirder thing is I woke up Weds morning and weighed myself and I was 214. Where the hell did those three pounds go? I peed 3 lbs? Its a mystery.
That said, I've started going to Crunch Fitness on 38th street and I've started the AbsDiet and workout plan as laid out on the Men's Fitness Website. I even entered the AbsDiet contest and will be taking a picture of my fat ass for a "before" shot tomorrow and in 6 weeks will submit an after shot - the hope being that I will drop 10-20 lbs and maybe win a car. Actually I don't give a crap about the contest, its really more about giving myself some desperately needed structure. Hopefully, within that structure I will be able to drop some weight, lower my cholesterol and generally look and feel better. If I can transform my life somewhat - that's the biggest prize. Also, being able to replace the fat "before" photo thats about to go up with a better one -- that's pretty good motivation too.
So far, I've done two workouts at Crunch. The first day was dips, pullups and abwork and the second day was running with some abwork. I ran 4 miles and did some abwork and my legs are sore today and my arms are still sore from the workout on Weds. Man, you can really go to hell in one month if you let yourself. Tomorrow I start the AbDiets deal.
Six weeks, two photos and a goal of 192.6 to 197.6 lbs. Lets see what happens.
Thursday, January 27, 2005
Burst Pipes - Aftermath
Well, the bedroom looks like we just moved in. We pulled everything that was in the path of the water and moved it into the bedroom. Shit is stacked everywhere. I can't imagine that all this stuff goes neatly away some where, but it does thanks to Clarisa's extraordinary ability to fold space and time in order to stow anything anywhere. Its a real honest to God talent. All the piles of stuff will be transported and disappear and in a short while this place will look like it always does. For now though, stuff is everywhere and its grating on Clarisa's innate sense of order. The Force must be balanced....
...Moving along...
Of course, its ass cold and the pipe that burst last night is already frozen again. In a questionable attempt to dry the place out, we pulled back the carpet in the bedroom where it got soaked to expose the padding underneath. An electric heater is blowing on the floor right near said pipe. Now, the Murphy's law part of me is saying - "Now we are going to be flooded and electrocuted on top of it."
I'm tired of having to spend close to $500/MO bucks to heat this joint in the winter and still freeze my a$$ off. You would think that would be money spent to make it warm but no way.
...Moving along...
Of course, its ass cold and the pipe that burst last night is already frozen again. In a questionable attempt to dry the place out, we pulled back the carpet in the bedroom where it got soaked to expose the padding underneath. An electric heater is blowing on the floor right near said pipe. Now, the Murphy's law part of me is saying - "Now we are going to be flooded and electrocuted on top of it."
I'm tired of having to spend close to $500/MO bucks to heat this joint in the winter and still freeze my a$$ off. You would think that would be money spent to make it warm but no way.
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
Burst Pipes - a kind of screenplay.
The Scene - a man riding home on Metro North Railroad. He is reading "The Discoverers" by Daniel Boorstin. He is wearing a yellow Burton boarding jacket, jeans and a pair of Columbia boots.
[Sidebar - Evidently in 1421 or so, a Chinese eunuch named Cheng Ho took about 30,000 of his closest friends on an adventure all over the Indian Ocean on ships that were just amazing to look at. Huge things. Pretty things. And they sailed not to conquer or enslave, but to spread the word of just how kick ass they were and show that, in fact, they did not need a damn thing from anyone. Oh, and if you brought them a Giraffe, the beers were definitely on the house, so to speak.]
[annoying cell phone ring - sounds like a slot machine]
- Man pulls out cell phone from jeans pocket and answers it.
Man: "Hello"?
- Its his wife and she is freaking out a bit and in a stressed but her voice is still kind of eerily calm.
Woman: "James! Oh what we've worried about has happened! One of the pipes burst and there's water everywhere. I just called the fire department. I need to go. You need to take a cab home. Bye!"
[Sidebar - Evidently in 1421 or so, a Chinese eunuch named Cheng Ho took about 30,000 of his closest friends on an adventure all over the Indian Ocean on ships that were just amazing to look at. Huge things. Pretty things. And they sailed not to conquer or enslave, but to spread the word of just how kick ass they were and show that, in fact, they did not need a damn thing from anyone. Oh, and if you brought them a Giraffe, the beers were definitely on the house, so to speak.]
[annoying cell phone ring - sounds like a slot machine]
- Man pulls out cell phone from jeans pocket and answers it.
Man: "Hello"?
- Its his wife and she is freaking out a bit and in a stressed but her voice is still kind of eerily calm.
Woman: "James! Oh what we've worried about has happened! One of the pipes burst and there's water everywhere. I just called the fire department. I need to go. You need to take a cab home. Bye!"
- The man has the next 25 minutes between the train and the cab ride home to wonder just what the hell is going on there and how bad its going to be. He hopes, wrongly, that its an outside pipe and the water is not spilling into every crevice of his house. He thinks about his wife crying and all of their stuff being destroyed. He thinks that he should still be thankful, because even with however bad this is, there are still people out there a LOT worse off than they are. Surprisingly, he manages to remain calm and just see what there is to see when he gets home.
- Water water everywhere. Not as little as he'd like, not as bad as he'd hoped. He pays $300 to the emergency plumber team and keeps helping his wife clean up the water that has run from the back of the house, underneath the kitchen tile and out into the dining area. They order a pizza and think hard about moving south or west.
Friday, January 21, 2005
Subway Music
NYC has a way of adding a twist to the routine. Just when you think it’s going to be the same old same old you come upon something different. It might be a building, an event, or maybe a person that grabs your attention and for a moment or two takes you out of where you are at and serendipitously places you, however fleetingly, in that realm of shared experience. And, if for some reason nothing like that happens the distinct turning of the seasons is sure to give you something different. You just need to be a bit aware. Yesterday, I got one of those twists.
Since it’s been a little cold in these parts lately and I've been running a little late as well, I've taken to riding the subway. The route is simple and fast -- Times Square shuttle to, well, Times Square and the Q/R/W to Herald Square. Yesterday I hopped on the Times Square shuttle, grabbed a handrail and waited for the inevitable lurch forward. Then, my morning routine was interrupted. A smooth voice wished "New York" a good morning and announced that the performers to my right and across the car from me were Miss Jubilee and Chocolate Thai. I looked over and saw a late twentyish man with a big kind smile, dreads, a goatee and some sort of pointy Asian looking hat. Behind him was a pixy of a woman with short hair, a faux rabbit fur vest and cuffed furry boots over her jeans and she held a large well-played dreadnaught guitar. She started to play and they both started to sing as the shuttle headed out.
This was different. I've seen lots of subway performers over the years, but never actually anyone perform ON the subway. What's more, they were pretty good. Good voices - nice melody and harmony over simple folk guitar rhythms with a distinct island feel to the sound and the lyrics. I sat there thinking that they were good and then I thought about how much work it was just to get to where they were - to have original songs, to have made a demo CD, to have the guts to ride the shuttle train with commuters, to play their stuff and to ask for donations and to sell their CD...well I just thought I had to commend that so I bought their CD as I got off.
They were on the subway again this morning and I made sure I told them I liked the CD and they seemed pleased.
So thank you to Miss Jubilee and Chocolate Thai and good luck. Check 'em out at Barnard College Radio (http://www.wbar.org/index.php), 87.9 on your radio dial.
Since it’s been a little cold in these parts lately and I've been running a little late as well, I've taken to riding the subway. The route is simple and fast -- Times Square shuttle to, well, Times Square and the Q/R/W to Herald Square. Yesterday I hopped on the Times Square shuttle, grabbed a handrail and waited for the inevitable lurch forward. Then, my morning routine was interrupted. A smooth voice wished "New York" a good morning and announced that the performers to my right and across the car from me were Miss Jubilee and Chocolate Thai. I looked over and saw a late twentyish man with a big kind smile, dreads, a goatee and some sort of pointy Asian looking hat. Behind him was a pixy of a woman with short hair, a faux rabbit fur vest and cuffed furry boots over her jeans and she held a large well-played dreadnaught guitar. She started to play and they both started to sing as the shuttle headed out.
This was different. I've seen lots of subway performers over the years, but never actually anyone perform ON the subway. What's more, they were pretty good. Good voices - nice melody and harmony over simple folk guitar rhythms with a distinct island feel to the sound and the lyrics. I sat there thinking that they were good and then I thought about how much work it was just to get to where they were - to have original songs, to have made a demo CD, to have the guts to ride the shuttle train with commuters, to play their stuff and to ask for donations and to sell their CD...well I just thought I had to commend that so I bought their CD as I got off.
They were on the subway again this morning and I made sure I told them I liked the CD and they seemed pleased.
So thank you to Miss Jubilee and Chocolate Thai and good luck. Check 'em out at Barnard College Radio (http://www.wbar.org/index.php), 87.9 on your radio dial.
Saturday, January 15, 2005
ESPN.com - NFL - NFL - Recap >> Jets F*&%K it up 2X
ESPN.com - NFL - NFL - Recap > Same Old Jets
Un Fahkking Bee Leev A Bull that they lost that game. If Doug Brien was a Brazilian soccer player he would be fearing for his life right now.
So far, when Sfumato comes over here to watch Jets playoff football, they have lost 100% of the time. Also, each time he has come over for Jet playoff football he has brought a very tasty homemade guacomole and in that guac is inscribed the word JETS. Each and everytime he has come over. Tasty guac, salty chips...bitter defeat.
Un Fahkking Bee Leev A Bull that they lost that game. If Doug Brien was a Brazilian soccer player he would be fearing for his life right now.
So far, when Sfumato comes over here to watch Jets playoff football, they have lost 100% of the time. Also, each time he has come over for Jet playoff football he has brought a very tasty homemade guacomole and in that guac is inscribed the word JETS. Each and everytime he has come over. Tasty guac, salty chips...bitter defeat.
Thursday, January 13, 2005
A Happy Day, A Conflicted Day...
Today, my birthday, marks three months since Jenn died (October 13th, 2004). So, I've been a bit apprehensive about really celebrating it and feeling good about it and all of that. Of course, everyone else says, and rightly so, that thats kind of silly and self destructive thinking and hey man, its your birthday. Go have fun.
So, to celebrate my parents came over this past weekend to celebrate. We didn't do anything too fancy. Just got some appetizers and some good beer for my Dad to try instead of his usual stuff. Of course the conversation turned toward Jenn and my mom brought out the actual medical examiners report and let me read it.
Its kind of surreal, reading something like that about someone you know and love. Its medical and objective and sterile -- but informative. I learned some things that make this somewhat easier to deal with that I might post here but I'd like to get a feel for what my parents think first.
As for today it was a quiet evening at home. We got some takeout, watched Anchorman and pretty much thought it sucked. And we were really trying to not let it suck for us. But it did. :-(. And I got a call from an Aunt and I got a call from my Mom. It turns out she got roses today for no reason from a neighbor. The significant thing about that was that she has been praying for a sign that Jenn is ok. She prayed for a rose this morning. The roses showed up this afternoon.
How bout that.
So, to celebrate my parents came over this past weekend to celebrate. We didn't do anything too fancy. Just got some appetizers and some good beer for my Dad to try instead of his usual stuff. Of course the conversation turned toward Jenn and my mom brought out the actual medical examiners report and let me read it.
Its kind of surreal, reading something like that about someone you know and love. Its medical and objective and sterile -- but informative. I learned some things that make this somewhat easier to deal with that I might post here but I'd like to get a feel for what my parents think first.
As for today it was a quiet evening at home. We got some takeout, watched Anchorman and pretty much thought it sucked. And we were really trying to not let it suck for us. But it did. :-(. And I got a call from an Aunt and I got a call from my Mom. It turns out she got roses today for no reason from a neighbor. The significant thing about that was that she has been praying for a sign that Jenn is ok. She prayed for a rose this morning. The roses showed up this afternoon.
How bout that.
Hi I'm James and I work for...
iVillage! Yes, that's right. A month and change after joining Healthology, I now work for iVillage. The executive team at work announced iVillage acquisition of Healthology on Monday morning this week after aborting the same announcement Friday evening (hence making everyone sweat it out as to what it was all about). I'd like to say I'm super rich and that my stock options will enable me to retire but that is not the case. I'm DEFINITELY working for the foreseeable future. Oh well. Thus far its a positive move - as they seem to need QA people, and they have more resources.
Notice - slight technical tangent approaching. Grab a double esspresso if you are not a web standards geek or just skip it.
They are also into CSS driven layouts. Check out their launch of their entertainment site and view the source, Luke. Its All CSS and it validates as XHTML 1.0 Transitional. The inner geek in me is soooo happy about that. It means I might have a chance to ply my web standard knowledge on a larger scale. Very cool. I've been away from that stuff for a while, but I find it interesting, compelling and even fun, so its worth it to get back into it if there is an actual reason to. I say that because I spent an awful lot of time learning Coldfusion only to find it hard to find somebody that would let me use it / wanted to pay extra $ for the hosting or because they thought it was a "beginner" language. Ok - so why is the .NET plat form basically CFML then. Oy. I hate that "if its easy it must suck" mentality in tech. Anyhoo, the point is if you learn something, you want to use it, it in this case is web standards.
Notice - slight technical tangent approaching. Grab a double esspresso if you are not a web standards geek or just skip it.
They are also into CSS driven layouts. Check out their launch of their entertainment site and view the source, Luke. Its All CSS and it validates as XHTML 1.0 Transitional. The inner geek in me is soooo happy about that. It means I might have a chance to ply my web standard knowledge on a larger scale. Very cool. I've been away from that stuff for a while, but I find it interesting, compelling and even fun, so its worth it to get back into it if there is an actual reason to. I say that because I spent an awful lot of time learning Coldfusion only to find it hard to find somebody that would let me use it / wanted to pay extra $ for the hosting or because they thought it was a "beginner" language. Ok - so why is the .NET plat form basically CFML then. Oy. I hate that "if its easy it must suck" mentality in tech. Anyhoo, the point is if you learn something, you want to use it, it in this case is web standards.
Happy Birthday To Me...
[old codger voiceover]
Hot Damn. I'm 36 Goddamn Yeers old. How 'bout that. Ain't that some shit. I'll tell you what. It sure is. Some shit. I tells ya. Yep.
Hot Damn. I'm 36 Goddamn Yeers old. How 'bout that. Ain't that some shit. I'll tell you what. It sure is. Some shit. I tells ya. Yep.
Friday, January 07, 2005
A little catchup...
The holidays, thankfully, are over and with them a bit of my depression. For whatever reason, in about the past 15 minutes I started to feel pretty good about things. I just feel "better" all of a sudden. Lets see if it holds. Someone also suggested I keep a time record of how I'm doing - so why not start here and now...
1/6/2005 4:50 PM - Feeling good. Not great...Good...From a relative perspective that is... I've been better. Of course I had a nice fudge brownie about 15 min ago. Lets see how much better "better" is when I recover from the insulin shock.
Lets rewind a bit to New Years Eve and New Years Day. Our New Years Eve Plans fell through suddenly on the 31st, just hours before we were supposed to head out to see some friends in Hyde Park. The reason being that their house was a wreck and they were particularly stressed out. Why you ask? Well, the deal is that they had bought a 9 month old golden retriever as a Christmas gift for their 4 year old, Zack. In theory, its a great idea. A boy. His dog. Bonding. Face licking. The fetching of slippers. Squeals of delight. Lots of Kodak moments. You get it. However, and you knew there was a however coming, right? Otherwise what's the point of all of this? Well, the however is that this dog turns out to be 12 Monkeys kind of crazy. It bites the kid, it shits and it pisses everywhere at any moment. They take it for a hour walk and it pees and poops. The moment they get back inside, Star ("the dog" up to this point) taps into a reserve bladder and whizzes all over the living room. Star is supposed to be crate trained, but star is is whizzing and pooping all over his cage and all over himself. While not whizzing, shitting or biting people, Star is chewing everything. The Couch. The Carpet. The Kitchen. Yeah - the dog tried to eat the kitchen. The family - not so pleased.
So here we have a terrified 4 year old that wants Santa to take the dog back but is also afraid that Santa will be upset with him. Angry even. So the dog winds up in the kitchen, the kid is hiding in his room and the parents are like -- we need to find pooch a new home ASAP. Naturally the breeder will not take it back. Eventually they get a single woman with the patience of Job that must own lots of brushed steel furnishings to buy the dog. Zack is ecstatic that the dog got taken away, but still worried that Santa has some sort of retribution in store for ungrateful children. However -- I have the feeling that Santa just might write Zack a letter telling him its ok. Nice one, right?
And that, dear Internet, is the story of how New Years Eve was almost lost. Almost I say, because our friends Dave & Jacquie either had nothing better to do or took pity on us and came over to hang out with us. It was a fairly uneventful evening, with the ladies watching some movies and Dave and me putzing around in the office with my computer. I showed him the graphical sweetness of Half Life 2 and the awesome fury of Counsterstrike Source and demo'd my GuitarPort software by Line 6. The GuitarPort is a nice little device that allows you to get just about any guitar sound you want with a mouse click and also provides a wealth of lessons, licks, full tracks and sheet music. Its really helpful. If you are starting to play or have been playing for a while but are not rigged up completely, this is a great investment for a hobbyist or mature player. Of course, Line 6 sells all sorts of other goodies as well. If you play, check em out if you haven't. Anyhoo, Dave got so excited by it that he came over on Tuesday night and we played around a bit. He is a lot more skilled than I am, so he kindly assumed the role of instructor and showed me some stuff. As a direct result of his visit I'm working on 10 Years Gone by Led Zeppelin. Sounds good, not boring to learn and challenging but not impossible for my skill level. Back to the roots of things man, back with Led Zeppelin. Tell you what, its a lot different now than 20 yrs ago or so when I first attempted to play guitar and I tried to play Heartbreaker for my friend Tom. I remember laying down the main lick or so for him and he asked me what it was. "'Heartbreaker'", I said.
"No its not." Tom said.
Lol, I was heartbroken. Of course what I was hearing in my mind vs what was coming out of the amp were two completely different things. I'm not great now, I know that, but I know I am getting better and better and what's more I am enjoying it. Plus I have a few folks around now patient enough to help me learn and cool enough to jam.
Ok getting back from the tangent there... So New Years was saved by Dave and Jacquie and Clarisa and I woke up on New Years Day after having slept in a bit. I surfed the net, blogged a while and just felt generally morose and quiet. It was going to be a cave day. But - we got a call from Christine and Barry asking us to come up. I was like, Ok, but not super excited. I was feeling pretty crappy that day. Just read the last post and you will get the gist of my mood. Still, mainly because I felt that way I thought it important to get out of the house and actually do something. I asked Clarisa to ask them if it would be cool if I brought my guitar. I knew Barry played, but we had never done anything like that together. It turns out it was a great idea. We played most of the evening and had a big sing along, with Clarisa and Christine even butchering an acoustic version of "Times Like These". We had a blast playing and singing. But the highlight of the evening came a bit later on when we went to check out the new stuff in Zack's bedroom. Under a plush toy or two I saw a table hockey game. A brand new Stiga NHL table top game. I immediately waxed nostalgic and I had to play. I grabbed the game up and called to Barry. "We HAVE to play" this. Immediately it became obvious we were both big fans of the game and "understood it." The old moves from hours (well, days really) of playing in my youth came back pretty fast. We were both a little rusty though and could not pull off some of the trickery we once knew - like bank shots and deflections and such. Despite our rustiness, our enthusiasm more than made up for it. We had a blast and eventually had to be dragged away because it was getting too late. I was like there is more hockey to play and more music to talk about and more hockey to talk about...but the night was over. I actually didn't want it to end. It was the most fun I had in a long time. Between the hockey, the guitar and playing around with Zack, I was really happy. It was nice man, I'll tell you.
The crazy thing is that Christine and Clarisa have known each other for close to ten years and Barry and I just bonded a week ago. Go figure. Everything in its time I guess. Next weekend we are supposed to be heading up again. Clarisa is jokingly calling it a "play date". Great...
BTW its 11:31AM on Jan 7th and I am still feeling "better". No sugar rush. Just some caffeine from a coffee this morning and a diet coke right now. Looking forward to getting home and a weekend with my guitar. My foots still to banged up to do much else. Soon though - or else I am going to need to switch to the "fat" jeans again.
And - before closing this long winding post, I'd just like to say thanks to the folks who took the time to email me about my depression. I really love you for it. Thanks
The holidays, thankfully, are over and with them a bit of my depression. For whatever reason, in about the past 15 minutes I started to feel pretty good about things. I just feel "better" all of a sudden. Lets see if it holds. Someone also suggested I keep a time record of how I'm doing - so why not start here and now...
1/6/2005 4:50 PM - Feeling good. Not great...Good...From a relative perspective that is... I've been better. Of course I had a nice fudge brownie about 15 min ago. Lets see how much better "better" is when I recover from the insulin shock.
Lets rewind a bit to New Years Eve and New Years Day. Our New Years Eve Plans fell through suddenly on the 31st, just hours before we were supposed to head out to see some friends in Hyde Park. The reason being that their house was a wreck and they were particularly stressed out. Why you ask? Well, the deal is that they had bought a 9 month old golden retriever as a Christmas gift for their 4 year old, Zack. In theory, its a great idea. A boy. His dog. Bonding. Face licking. The fetching of slippers. Squeals of delight. Lots of Kodak moments. You get it. However, and you knew there was a however coming, right? Otherwise what's the point of all of this? Well, the however is that this dog turns out to be 12 Monkeys kind of crazy. It bites the kid, it shits and it pisses everywhere at any moment. They take it for a hour walk and it pees and poops. The moment they get back inside, Star ("the dog" up to this point) taps into a reserve bladder and whizzes all over the living room. Star is supposed to be crate trained, but star is is whizzing and pooping all over his cage and all over himself. While not whizzing, shitting or biting people, Star is chewing everything. The Couch. The Carpet. The Kitchen. Yeah - the dog tried to eat the kitchen. The family - not so pleased.
So here we have a terrified 4 year old that wants Santa to take the dog back but is also afraid that Santa will be upset with him. Angry even. So the dog winds up in the kitchen, the kid is hiding in his room and the parents are like -- we need to find pooch a new home ASAP. Naturally the breeder will not take it back. Eventually they get a single woman with the patience of Job that must own lots of brushed steel furnishings to buy the dog. Zack is ecstatic that the dog got taken away, but still worried that Santa has some sort of retribution in store for ungrateful children. However -- I have the feeling that Santa just might write Zack a letter telling him its ok. Nice one, right?
And that, dear Internet, is the story of how New Years Eve was almost lost. Almost I say, because our friends Dave & Jacquie either had nothing better to do or took pity on us and came over to hang out with us. It was a fairly uneventful evening, with the ladies watching some movies and Dave and me putzing around in the office with my computer. I showed him the graphical sweetness of Half Life 2 and the awesome fury of Counsterstrike Source and demo'd my GuitarPort software by Line 6. The GuitarPort is a nice little device that allows you to get just about any guitar sound you want with a mouse click and also provides a wealth of lessons, licks, full tracks and sheet music. Its really helpful. If you are starting to play or have been playing for a while but are not rigged up completely, this is a great investment for a hobbyist or mature player. Of course, Line 6 sells all sorts of other goodies as well. If you play, check em out if you haven't. Anyhoo, Dave got so excited by it that he came over on Tuesday night and we played around a bit. He is a lot more skilled than I am, so he kindly assumed the role of instructor and showed me some stuff. As a direct result of his visit I'm working on 10 Years Gone by Led Zeppelin. Sounds good, not boring to learn and challenging but not impossible for my skill level. Back to the roots of things man, back with Led Zeppelin. Tell you what, its a lot different now than 20 yrs ago or so when I first attempted to play guitar and I tried to play Heartbreaker for my friend Tom. I remember laying down the main lick or so for him and he asked me what it was. "'Heartbreaker'", I said.
"No its not." Tom said.
Lol, I was heartbroken. Of course what I was hearing in my mind vs what was coming out of the amp were two completely different things. I'm not great now, I know that, but I know I am getting better and better and what's more I am enjoying it. Plus I have a few folks around now patient enough to help me learn and cool enough to jam.
Ok getting back from the tangent there... So New Years was saved by Dave and Jacquie and Clarisa and I woke up on New Years Day after having slept in a bit. I surfed the net, blogged a while and just felt generally morose and quiet. It was going to be a cave day. But - we got a call from Christine and Barry asking us to come up. I was like, Ok, but not super excited. I was feeling pretty crappy that day. Just read the last post and you will get the gist of my mood. Still, mainly because I felt that way I thought it important to get out of the house and actually do something. I asked Clarisa to ask them if it would be cool if I brought my guitar. I knew Barry played, but we had never done anything like that together. It turns out it was a great idea. We played most of the evening and had a big sing along, with Clarisa and Christine even butchering an acoustic version of "Times Like These". We had a blast playing and singing. But the highlight of the evening came a bit later on when we went to check out the new stuff in Zack's bedroom. Under a plush toy or two I saw a table hockey game. A brand new Stiga NHL table top game. I immediately waxed nostalgic and I had to play. I grabbed the game up and called to Barry. "We HAVE to play" this. Immediately it became obvious we were both big fans of the game and "understood it." The old moves from hours (well, days really) of playing in my youth came back pretty fast. We were both a little rusty though and could not pull off some of the trickery we once knew - like bank shots and deflections and such. Despite our rustiness, our enthusiasm more than made up for it. We had a blast and eventually had to be dragged away because it was getting too late. I was like there is more hockey to play and more music to talk about and more hockey to talk about...but the night was over. I actually didn't want it to end. It was the most fun I had in a long time. Between the hockey, the guitar and playing around with Zack, I was really happy. It was nice man, I'll tell you.
The crazy thing is that Christine and Clarisa have known each other for close to ten years and Barry and I just bonded a week ago. Go figure. Everything in its time I guess. Next weekend we are supposed to be heading up again. Clarisa is jokingly calling it a "play date". Great...
BTW its 11:31AM on Jan 7th and I am still feeling "better". No sugar rush. Just some caffeine from a coffee this morning and a diet coke right now. Looking forward to getting home and a weekend with my guitar. My foots still to banged up to do much else. Soon though - or else I am going to need to switch to the "fat" jeans again.
And - before closing this long winding post, I'd just like to say thanks to the folks who took the time to email me about my depression. I really love you for it. Thanks
Saturday, January 01, 2005
Rising to the New Year
I thought I might try to write something about the new year. I wanted to write something that said that the past is always with us despite the start of a new year, that we are not in fact starting anew. I wanted to write about hope and pain and our collective struggle to be better. I was thinking about it when I came across this article in the New York Times:
The New York Times > Opinion > Editorial: Rising to the New Year
To quote (well, paraphrase really) James Carville from his cameo in Old School, "That's perfect." Its a great piece of writing. Go read it. Now.
As for me, I definitely do not feel as if I am starting anew today. I still feel the weight of 2004 squarely upon me, squashing me, especially that last quarter from October till now. I know I am still depressed. I know I suffer from a low level depression a better part of the time and I know that its gotten worse since Jenn died. At times, doing the simplest things seems so hard and fruitless. Then, even if I want to do something, I have a hard time sticking with it and easily lose my concentration. My brain says -- "Not interested anymore. Move along or I will fall asleep..."
Its time to talk to my GP and see if there isn't anything that he can do. I remember feeling better and want to be like that if I can again and if that means trying Zoloft or Paxil or some other anti-depressant, I'm willing to do it. Toughing it out and talking it out have not done the job by themselves.
So here we are, Internet. Happy New Year. Or, in the spirit of George Carlin - "Have a moderately pain free year."
The New York Times > Opinion > Editorial: Rising to the New Year
To quote (well, paraphrase really) James Carville from his cameo in Old School, "That's perfect." Its a great piece of writing. Go read it. Now.
As for me, I definitely do not feel as if I am starting anew today. I still feel the weight of 2004 squarely upon me, squashing me, especially that last quarter from October till now. I know I am still depressed. I know I suffer from a low level depression a better part of the time and I know that its gotten worse since Jenn died. At times, doing the simplest things seems so hard and fruitless. Then, even if I want to do something, I have a hard time sticking with it and easily lose my concentration. My brain says -- "Not interested anymore. Move along or I will fall asleep..."
Its time to talk to my GP and see if there isn't anything that he can do. I remember feeling better and want to be like that if I can again and if that means trying Zoloft or Paxil or some other anti-depressant, I'm willing to do it. Toughing it out and talking it out have not done the job by themselves.
So here we are, Internet. Happy New Year. Or, in the spirit of George Carlin - "Have a moderately pain free year."
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