You made the mistake of making eye contact.

For the most part I'm always on the train to and from the city at peak hours and for the most part the trains are packed with commuters that spend their time with the MTA sticking to themselves. People sleep, read, fiddle with gadgets, listen to tunes. But its all very quiet. Loud cell phone talkers are often shooshed or told to shut up. Hey man, there are rules to this commute thing. Set a moving pick if you can while getting on the train to assure a seat. If you are not ballsy enough to ask someone to move over, you will wind up standing. Do not be loud and do not make eye contact with a drunk.

Earlier this week I was on a later train than usual. Still peak, but late so the cars weren't so crowded and getting a seat was a snap. Lo and behold a stench of stale beer and cigarettes makes me look up to see a wasted blue collar guy coming down the aisle. He sits right across from me and dammit I made eye contact. Just the briefest of of acknowledgements but contact nonetheless. I became this guys buddy for the ride all the way to White Plains. Any comments or complaints that my new friend had were floated right my way with the finest mix of aromas. Ah. Halitosis. Stale beer. Nicotine. Gotta love it. It's like college!

So there we are, me staring straight ahead and this guy is looking for an opening - a little conversational trinket. Shortly his trinket arrives in the form of a large sweaty balding older and nervous guy that's just passed 5 open seats and stops in front of my drunken commuting associate and gives him one of these:

"Excuse Me.' he said when he really meant, "Move your ass for me now. This seat has spoken to me like the dog spoke to The Son of Sam and I must sit here."

Other people might have moved over. The guy had fulfilled a commuting rule and had the ballz to ask for the seat. Thing is though, my drunken canvas coat with leather collar friend was not a commuter and did not realize the rules. Instead he sat there and stared at the swarthy accoster in a manner that conveyed bafflement. Though drunk, his common sense and inscrutable trailer park logic was still in full effect. The Blue Collar drunk guy said,

"You have to be fucking kidding me. There are like a ton of empty seats everywhere and you want to sit HERE?"

And with that observation the swarthy man muttered in a small voice, "I guess that's true." and moved on.

Then the blue collar guy had me. Just as the swarthy man cleared the space between us he looks at me and says "Can you believe that shit? That dumbass wanted to sit here. HERE! With all these empty seats."

"Yup" I said.

"Really, that guy wanted to sit here. Right here in this seat. Wanted me to get up. Wanted me to get up and fucking move so he could sit here." He gestures to the vacant seats and continues "Look at all the seats....Etc etc....

"Yup."

After a few rounds of that sort of conversation my erstwhile traveling companion got caught up in a phone call and was polite enough to take his conversation to the train car's vestibule and well out of earshot. Maybe it was politeness, maybe it was to make a drug deal or place bet. Who the hell knows, I was just glad to not have to hear it (or smell it).

In the meantime, the train stops at 125th and a woman and a young girl get on the train and sit right behind me. She starts reading to the kid about tigers and lions and stating lots of lion and tiger facts. Then she moves onto some whacked out geography lesson and quizzing the kid about what the capitol of Sri Lanka is and asking the kid if the kid was Sri Lankan. Rinse and repeat for Nepal, Tibet, Thailand and a host of other countries. I'm perplexed because the kid has no idea what the hell a tiger or a lion is but is supposed to know that Katmandu is the capital of Nepal.

Re-enter the drunk guy who has since returned to his seat and is downing a third Bud Tallboy. He's been listening too. He looks back at the woman in the seat behind me and says:

"I don't mean to interrupt, but not for nothing, but since you are being so loud I couldn't help but hear you. How about this though...how how about what the capitol of this state (finger pokes seat). This state (poke poke) right here. What about this country. How about learning about this country FIRST before that crap."

Of course awkward silence follows and of course he looks to me for support. "Am I right?"

I wanted to turn around myself and say that the guy was right and she was being loud and shut up and teach the kid about America first and if you aren't with us you are with the terrorists and dammit the kid doesn't know what a lion is yet.

However, diplomatic me could only come up with, "Geography sure is useful." and stare out the window some more. The guy just continued to needle the lady with questions like "What's the largest lake in New York? What's the capitol of this state?" while she sat in silence. This just egged him on though. "What you don't know? Really?" and he would come back to me and tell me she didn't know. Then he would ask me how fucked up it was that she did not know.

And so it went till we hit White Plains and I got off and left the conflict / quiz show.