Lost Time. Lost Keys.

I could not find my keys for the past couple of days. About five minutes ago, I found them, right where I left them outside on our deck. However, for the life of me I could not remember that until very recently.

Memory is a funny thing. We block things. Forget things. Remember things. And we do so all for myriad reasons that I don't think we understand for the most part. The ability to suppress and the ability to recall memories are very powerful tools and ones we wield blindly, driven by circumstance and mindset. Sometimes its a survival mechanism (suppressing) but forgetting shit -- well that can just be dangerous.

While I may or may not have suppressed memories (don't ask me what ahahhaa) I've always been forgetful. Its not bad like it used to be when I was a kid and would lose my head if it was not attached, but bad enough to be a pain in the butt and bad enough for me to stop doing something few people ever even get a chance to do - fly helos for the Army.

I know people think I left my gig flying helicopters in the Army because of my marriage. While the two of us had our own troubles right off the bat, it had nothing to do with me deciding to leave flight school. The reason I left is that I did not want to kill anyone by making a mistake I felt was inevitable.

I would just forget things flying instruments. I'd forget which way the wind was blowing and make my initial holding pattern turn wrong. I'd forget if I had made that turn at a marker, etc. It never happened enough that I failed a flight or failed a checkride. But it happened enough to make me sick to my stomach as I flew. It affected my confidence and I could not help but wonder what would happen if I forgot in combat or forgot with other lives on the line.

Does that sound like a copout? To some maybe it does. But I tell you what, I'm sure some Sgt. in Iraq would be happy to know I lost my keys and not his life.

One of the keys to not being forgetful is mindfulness. I've been working on that lately as part of my interest in Buddhism. Its something you always work on I guess, but its helped me realize the importance of the inconsequential. Everything is important. Nothing is important. Just pay attention!!!