Hey A New Post

Its been too long between posts. Blah Blah etc etc. Yeah Yeah.

On the mat:

• Hey now! I busted my cherry and got my first tap out. Yeah, the guy was a little newer than me, and yeah, the guy was a little smaller -- but hell, after getting my @$$ kicked all the time I will take it. It was a nice north south choke. In another match I had a great double leg takedown on a blue belt but left my head exposed on the landing and wound up getting cranked and tapped out right when I was thinking "Things are going really well here..." LOL. Experience tends to win and I am still waaaay short on that.
• My buddy Dennis was brave enough to roll with me in his backyard last weekend. If I can bait him with cool rashguards to wear, I might get him to train regularly. Actually, he could not be baited, but he does have a weakness for rashguards. Hey if nothing else, he could wear one clubbing maybe. BrazilianFightWear.com if you're interested, Den.
• My biceps are still killing me. Not just my right arm now, though that one is worse, but both arms. They start to ache during training and it gets really bad right after and then dissipates in about 3 hours. The doctor wants to perform surgery and reattach my biceps tendon to my right shoulder. The thing is, the injury he saw on the MRI is ancient and I went through basic training with that, mountain biked with it, lifted with it, did Aikido with it. You get the idea, it did not bother me at all. Maybe all of a sudden it does? But both arms? Second opinion time. No slicey slicey for me. Time for WebMD and maybe a visit to an Acupuncturist.

On the homefront:

• My sister is struggling. Financially, mentally and physically. Here's to her deciding to help herself. And - here's to my parents getting some peace of mind finally when she does.
• Had a great dinner with my Uncle Mark last night. It was nice talking to him one on one and just getting to know him a little better. Granted, I've known the guy for many years but we've always met at family holiday things and there's always distractions. This was different because we talked. It wasn't just bitching about something, or the weather or me rambling about video games or something else that only I find interesting. We covered family, politics, jobs and hopes and dreams. And while I thought the world of him before, I love thy guy even more now. All because I made a little effort and picked up the phone. Its amazing how easy it is to NOT do that. Relationships die that way. Like cars, they need maintenance.
• BTW The restaurant was a nice little Italian place on 34th St. between Park and Lex called Villa Bruella. Try it.

Lies and Comets

A while back, I actually applied for culinary school. A fit of frustration and depression drove me to finally complete the application to the French Culinary Institute. I'd been thinking about doing something like that since before I left Enterprise. I'd dismissed it though - crappy hours, big pay cut, etc etc. There were always enough excuses not to do it. One day in late April or early May - they did not seem so big. What was 28K for tuition? Peanuts! What was trying to finagle out of work early a few days a week in order to go to class -- no big deal!! It could be done.

So I apply online, send in my application and a non-refundable deposite of $500 because I am serious dammit. I start talking to people at the schook, getting uniforms, a start date, got to get my financial aid stuff going. So, to take care of the paper work part of things I need to drive down into the city. I bail out of work at 4pm and 20 minuntes later I am at the Triborough bridge in a full panic saying to myself what the hell am I doing what am I doing -- I can't do this!! This is nuts! You get the idea. Of course, our ecommerce systems at work shitting the bed, and my boss calling me telling me I need to get back did not help matters. So I wind up turning around, my tail between my legs and a career change aborted.

At least my therapist seems to think I made the right decision.

So here's the lie part - I tell my friend Dennis that I had to come back to work and that my boss had called me and screamed at me and that I just had to go back to work and that I did not see how I could go through with this and still work. That part was true, but I hid the panic attack from him - and a few other people. So, this weekend we got together and were having some nosh at Perkins, dining on some killer pancakes and ruminating on our lives. I'm not sure how we got around to it, but I brought up the fact that I had freaked out and turned around -- totally having forgotten my lie. Den, having a memory of an elephant, remembered and said, "I thought your boss called and you had to go back."

For a second I was flying toward my mental closet where my tap shoes are and thought better of it. "Well yeah. He did call. But I didn't have to go back. I freaked out."

Den's single response about it was, "Ah, so you've been trying to play the tough guy." and that was it. Its good to have friends that understand you, even when you don't understand yourself.

But lies -- they come back like comets man. You forget about 'em and they come back. When you are honest, you never have to remember anything and you never lose credibility. Some people I know haven't caught onto that yet, and if they told me the sky was blue I would have to look outside to check. And I hope they get the help they need, but they have to want it.

Ow My Foot. Ow My Shoulder.

Went to a BJJ seminar at the NYC Machado Dojo this past Saturday. The special guest instructor was Helio Soneca from the Gracie Barra in TN. What a powerhouse guy. Small, but waaay slippery, way strong and extremely talented. More than all that though, a great personality and enthusiasm for what he does shone through. Its contagious.

On the one day that I went, we trained without a gi and divided our time between muay thai kickboxing at first and then ground techniques. We rolled for two hours straight.

Unfortunately, I hurt my arm / shoulder from the repetition of one move where I got rolled again and again on my right shoulder. By the end of class my arm was aching from the top of my shoulder to my hand.

In a freak accident on Monday, I reaggravated it. But again, with ice and elevation the pain went away and I went to class on Tuesday. That was a mistake. Again by the end of class my arm was killing me worse than it did on Saturday. Throw in some numbness in my hands and there you have it. Owee.

So I get on the train. Its packed so I have to stand and I about pass out from the pain and or the naproxen I took right after class. Everything was going on me and I just sat down and I got my vision and hearing back. Of course I had had to throw a guys bag in his lap to get the seat -- SOB would not let me sit down. I was said "Move your fucking bag or I am going to pass out right on you." He must have thought I was crazy because he looked at me and looked away. That's when I tossed his bag. Screw him.

So Weds I go to the doctors, and of course there is no pain, again, and all of his moving me around produces no pain. I told him, it only hurts when it hurts, and even then, it does not hurt to touch my arm or shoulder. Pain just radiates down my arm and its weak.

Its really weird.

Suffice it to say no BJJ class for me today. Decided that discretion is definitely the better part of valor. Going tonight would have just meant another visit to the pain factory and I've been on that tour twice this week. That's enough for me. Hopefully the doc gets back to me soon with an OK for an MRI or some sort of diagnosis so I know how to treat this. Here's to it just going away and me being in class again on Tuesday.